Monday, March 29, 2010


When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
Mark Twain

Oh Mark, you silly bastard. A few years ago, I tried to quit swearing. In it's place I used quirky euphamisms. The euphamisms did two things for me: 1) they allowed me to express myself in a similar, passionate fashion without an expletive (helpful in the presence of a G-rated audience) which releases tension 2) calmed me down by the sheer silliness of my euphamisms.

Unfortunately, this didn't last, I swear up and down like it's my first language, so I'm not sure why but I'm going to try and bring it back with the help of some euphamisms!

Replacements for angry words (think of things you don't particularly like but are G-rated and persnaps amusing or just words that sound funny, like "amuse bouche"... I try to use the first G-rated phrase that come to mind in a mad-libs style.)
-Martha Focker
-Toe Jam!

Replacements for angry words directed at people (Things to say to people that you might actually mean but are less harsh than the typical cursings)
-Go suck a toe.
-I hope you get diarrhea on your next date.
-You're the moldy grape in the bunch.

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